Wednesday, April 1, 2009

R&N - 04/01/09 - Obama Fires Cabinet

Obama Fires Entire Cabinet!!!

Hey everyone,

Breaking news... According to BET, Obama had a press conference in the UK. Due to the economic recession, he feels that his staff has been incompetent and decided to fire his entire cabinet!
UN Ambassador - Beyonce

One of the most recognizable faces in the world, Beyonce Knowles will represent the United States at the United Nations. President Obama says he believes the pop singer’s star power – her likeable personality and her feisty alter-ego Sasha fierce - will be the perfect combination to push his agenda to star-stunned leaders around the world.
Secretary of Defense - TI

T.I., "the King of South," knows something about defending himself and the people around him. “Don’t mess with T.I., “said President Obama. “Nobody’s got swagga like him. He’ll use every weapon in his arsenal – literally - to keep America safe. The President added: “I tell you, big things are poppin.”
Secretary of Energy - Lil' Wayne

The President said nobody is more fit to lead the Department of Energy than the raw embodiment of Hip Hop power: Lil Wayne. The multi-talented collaborator will come up with a master mash-up plan for every state, dropping ideas for a super-grid that will be powered from his hometown New Orleans. Bryan “Birdman” Williams will be deputy. “This is perfect. The block is already hot,” says Weezy.”
retary of Commerce - Jay-Z

After meeting with President Obama last night, Shawn “Jay-Z Carter said he’s ready to bring a little Bed-Stuy to Washington. All the observations he made about trade and the movement of goods in the 1980s might apply to these tough economic times. Jigga says he’s confident the United States can be a fair partner in trade and still hold down the world economy.
Secretary of Education - Nas

With the appointment of Nas to the Department of Education, President Obama hopes the “I know I Can” rapper will inspire the next generation of Americans. “He will bring a mix of inspiration and a zero-tolerance for failure,” says President Obama. In fact, if a principal’s school doesn’t make the grade, there will be no discussion. He or she will be immediately ethered.”

Secretary of the Treasury - 50 Cent

Rapper 50 Cent says he has turned 50 cents into hundreds of millions of dollars. “Look at that profit margin,” the rapper exclaimed. “And I pay my taxes!” Driving down the deficit and getting the economy moving again will be just as easy, President Obama says. He plans to pump money into a diverse portfolio of smart investments. “Tim Geithner has nothing on my man,” said Obama.
Secretary of Health and Human Services - Alicia Keys

Alicia Keys has shown her compassion for people through her non-profit work with children around the world. Now, its time for her to bring her vision of hope and goodwill for all humanity to Washington. “No one, no one, no one, can get in the way of this appointment," the President said.
Secretary of the Interior (Grill) - Paul Wall

President Obama says the papers have criticized him for not appointing a fair amount of his cabinet from the South. “All of that changes with my nomination of Paul Wall,” said the President. "Nobody understands the heartland like Paul Wall. In fact, he believes Wall’s appointment will turn Texas, the reddest of Red states, blue during the next election.
of State - Queen Latifah

"Who can fill the big shoes that Secretary Hillary Clinton is leaving," asked President Obama. Who has the toughness and grace to negotiate agreements with the hard-liners in North Korea and Iran?" President Obama said, “I’ve seen her sing jazz notes, and I’ve seen her “Bring Down the House,” and who can forget “Ladies First?” The people – and women - of the United States and all around the world are in good hands, he added.
Secretary of Homeland Security - Rick Ross

The President says he trusts rapper Rick Ross knows a lot about security. He has the ability to tap into his criminal justice past while distancing himself from it at the same time. “He’ll be unafraid of confronting enemies of the state,” said President Obama. “He’s the Boss, said the President. “This is Deeper than Rap.”
White House Press Secretary - Andre 3000

Andre 3000 is a master storyteller and communicator. He will use the power of his words to create lasting images in the minds and hearts of journalists and the American public with “sick lyricism, crazy metaphors and unforgettable one-liners,” President Obama believes. He’ll begin every press conference with the a teaser for the White House Press Pool: “it's beginning to look a lot like what? Follow my every step, take notes ..."

April Fools everybody! :-D


1 comment:

C-LO Goodie! said...

This is really funny! Props on the post.